The aim of ta’ziyah is to strengthen the broken-hearted and give them hope at a time when their hope may be waning; it is to lighten the load of the bereaved. To say or do things that augment or reawaken grief is not ta’ziyah, it is taklīf (giving hardship to others).

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said: Whoever consoles an afflicted person will receive the same reward [as the sufferer will upon his patience]. Tirmidhī

The patience exercised by a bereaved person, and consequently the reward, is obviously great, therefore the reward of someone who consoles the bereaved through the sunnah of ta’ziyah is also great.

There are no set words for ta’ziyah. You should visit the bereaved and console them, bearing in mind the following points (ta’ziyah can also be performed over the phone if necessary or by letter):

a) Encourage patience, reminding the bereaved of the virtues of patience. Allāh is with the patient. Tears or sadness are not against the spirit of patience.

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said: A Muslim does not suffer any mental or physical anguish, or any distress, grief, pain or sorrow – even from the prick of a thorn – except that Allāh expiates his mistakes and sins. Bukhari and Muslim

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said: Allāh the Almighty says that I do not have a reward, except Jannah, for a faithful servant of mine, that when I take away someone whom he loved, he remains hopeful and steadfast. Bukhari

b) Make du’ā for the bereaved, asking Allāh to grant them reward in return for their loss. A du’ā that can be read is:

أعظَم اللهُ أجرَكَ وأحسَنَ عَزاءَكَ وغَفَرَ لِمَيِّتِكَ

A’dhamallāhu ajrak, wa ahsana ‘azā’ak, wa ghafara li mayyitik.
May Allāh grant you a great reward, and may He comfort your distress, and may He forgive your deceased. 

Note: In cases where the deceased is a minor, not yet bāligh, the last part of the du’ā (wa ghafara li mayyitik) is omitted, as the question of forgiveness for a minor does not arise. The parents should also be reminded that Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said that when a child passes away he intercedes for his parents before Allāh ta’ālā and takes them into Jannah.

c) Make du’ā for the deceased, an act that will bring cheer to the hearts of the bereaved.

d) Mention the positive aspects of the situation for both the bereaved and the deceased. Ibn ‘Abbās radhiyallāhu ‘anhu says that at the time of his father’s death, a bedouin was able to console him as no one else had been able to. The bedouin recited a poem, the last part of which was: ‘Better for you than ‘Abbās is the reward you will receive after him, and Allāh is better than you for ‘Abbās.’

Through these words the grieving son was reminded that although he had suffered a loss, the gain brought by patience is superior to the loss. He was then reminded that his father may have lost the company of his son, but he had gone to meet his Creator. What is better for ‘Abbās radhiyallāhu ‘anhu, being with his son or being with Allāh ta’ālā?

e) The meaning of the verse ‘To Allāh we belong, and to Him we will return’ should be explained. We all belong to Allāh ta’ālā, so when he takes one of us away we should not complain. And although we become separated from a loved one, it is only a temporary separation, for we will soon be returning to them. At the demise of his grandson, Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam consoled his daughter with the words:

إِنَّ لِلَّهِ مَا أَخَذَ، وَلَهُ مَا أَعْطَى وَكُلُّ شَيْءٍ عِنْدَهُ بِأَجَلٍ مُسَمًّى فَلْتَصْبِرْ وَلْتَحْتَسِبْ

Inna lillāhi mā akhadha wa lahū mā a’tā, wa kullun ‘indahū bi ‘ajalim-musammā, faltasbir waltahtasib.
Whatever Allāh takes is His, and whatever He gives is His, and everything has an appointed time. So be patient and seek rewards. Bukhārī

For the deceased, it is simply a case of their appointed time having arrived; as for those left behind, it is a time to be patient and acquire great reward as a result.

f) Inform the bereaved that you intend to do some optional good deeds and send the reward to the deceased. This will please and comfort the bereaved.

g) When going for ta’ziyah do not enquire into details of the illness or circumstances that preceded the death. If the bereaved wish to tell you of their own accord, then that is a different matter.

According to the Sharī’ah, there are only three days for ta’ziyah, i.e. it should only be carried out within the first three days after the death has occurred. There is an exception for people who live far away, or are out of the country or sick and so are unable to attend within the first three days: they may come for ta’ziyah even after three days. The intent of the Sharī’ah is to allow people to forget their grief, not have them sitting around nursing it indefinitely. For this reason, it is sunnah for an individual to go only once for ta’ziyah.

The fuqahā have written that as soon as the burial has been completed, the bereaved should get back into the normal routine of their lives, one of its benefits being that it prevents the prolonged coming and going of visitors, which only serves to keep the grief alive when it should be forgotten.

It is sunnah for neighbours or friends to prepare food for the immediate family of the deceased during their moment of grief. This should be done for one day, though it is also permissible to do so for the full three days. The objective is to lighten the burden of the bereaved and ensure that food is available for them at a time when they may be too distraught to keep track of mealtimes.

Another important point to remember during the time of bereavement is īsāl-uth-thawāb. This means to perform some optional good deed, e.g. tilāwah of the Qur’ān, tasbīh, durūd, sadaqah or nafl salāh and fasts, and then to ask Allāh ta’ālā to send its reward to the deceased. When hearing of someone’s demise, along with ta’ziyah, one’s time is best spent in īsāl-uth-thawāb. The fuqahā have written that sadaqah (giving in charity) is the best way of doing īsāl-uth-thawāb, one reason being that by spending on something that will be of lasting benefit to people, the deceased will earn a perpetual reward. 

It is related that the gift of sadaqah, du’ās and Qur’ānic recitation sent by the living to the dead reach them carried by the angels on plates of light and adorned with silk handkerchiefs, and they say to them, ‘This is a gift from so-and-so.’ And in this way they find joy and delight.

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said: When Allah tests a Muslim with a bodily affliction (illness etc.), Allah says (to the angel who records his pious deeds), ‘Continue recording the pious deeds he committed in his state of good health.’ If Allah grants him a recovery, He will cleanse him and purify him. If Allah grants him death, He will forgive and have mercy on him. Ahmad

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said: Plague is a (means of) martyrdom for every Muslim. Bukhari and Muslim

It is mentioned in Abu Dawud that when a believer dies, a legion of angels descend to comfort the dying believer. They huddle around, their faces beaming with light, holding a shroud cut from the cloth of paradise to take his soul. If your loved one died alone, be consoled that as believers, they would have had the angels around them insha Allah.

Five (categories of) people are martyrs: The one (who passes away) through plague, and due to a disease in the stomach, the one who drowns, the one on whom a building falls, and a martyr in the Path of Allah. Bukhari and Muslim

There are countless pleasures of the akhirah, and insha Allah they will now attain many blessings, especially due to the fact that they are shahid. They are now free from all the trouble and hardships of this world.

Rasūlullāh sallallāhu ‘alayhi wasallam said regarding plague: Allah has made it a mercy for the believers. When a plague falls, whosoever remains in his plague affected settlement, with patience, with the hope of gaining reward, and knowing, that only what Allah has decreed for him will happen. He will receive the reward of a shahid. Bukhari 

This reward of martyrdom is promised for the individual who fulfills the 4 conditions mentioned:
1. To remain (not flee)
2. Have patience (not complain)
3. Hope for reward
4. Understand that all is from Allah
If a person happens to pass away, the reward is additional. Subhanallah!